do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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