I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
