I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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