Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If I had your ass I would rule the world
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
