I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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