So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
