Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
