I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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