I could make wine with my vomit
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
