We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
