Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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