Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
