the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Pooping to opera.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
