I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
