she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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