What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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