i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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