I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
