hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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