I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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