love makes seman taste better
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
