I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
