the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
