i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
