And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
