Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
