Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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