It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
