I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
