Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
