he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So much rum. So many feels.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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