As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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