i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
