And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
