i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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