The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
