It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
