you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
