nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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