I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
