She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
How external is "for external use only"?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
