so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
