Can i not drive my cunt home
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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