I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
