We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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