we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
