just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
