you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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