? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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