I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
